Forgive me if this entry, at times, reveals more of my own circumstances and thoughts than the Will and Mind of the LORD, but it seemed to flow with the Spirit at times and came to me as I was kind of straying from the LORD, so it's more of an admittance of a personal failing and might be considered an example of foolishness not to be emulated, and in that there is Wisdom.
Pro 18:2 A fool hath no delight in understanding, but that his heart may discover itself.
I'm not an adulterer and never will be one of my LORD and God of hosts, may His Name be forever the praise of all who belong to Him. But I am an adulterer of my Bride and who I consider to be my worldly wife, and she of I.
Promiscuity, innocent flirtations, and outright perversions are such a strong and inevitable temptation of the flesh that they are nearly impossible to deny. And I do think there is a difference between what the world considers and condemns as adultery and the obligations attached to love affairs between men and women in our society, and the Judgment and Knowledge of the LORD God of hosts, whose initial directions for the first gods He created and placed in the garden was to go forth, be fruitful and multiply. I don't think He intended to fill courtrooms with the type of shenanigans and drama that couples and families suffer in our country because of the laws of men. This type of buffoonery has created more whores out of innocent young girls than any pimp lowlife scumbag in our cities or rural outback, and I'll have you know and may shock you with the knowledge that there are more avid farmer boys made pimps living in the countryside, who are more cruelly minded and more violent in doling out their "justice" than any inner-city combat zone dweller would see on his busiest night of "work."
At any rate, as a saintly individual striving to live a holy life, I am not without the affectations of a lover and man and I am not without a desire for a "flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone" companion. I think God created us for that kind of divine love and affection. Yet, I live alone and enjoy the solitude and fellowship with God that I believe He desires all to experience, and I do not wish to jeopardize that Relationship and commune though I sometimes do.
Pro 31:3 Give not thy strength unto women, nor thy ways to that which destroyeth kings.
What am I to do...I've found online life to be an adequate mistress in many ways. And I have a personal ad for just such purpose.
http://personals.yahoo.com/us/personals-1108322352-546732
If I find a "date," that's wonderful, but I don't do this for that reason. I can get a "date" anytime, but I enjoy the mental company of women and I find this a pleasant way of relating to many without actually getting involved with any. Call it flirtation if you like, but it's more of an healthy outlet for a pent up need to socialize in some form or another. I don't have as easy a time doing so in crowds or in person. I need to be able to be thoughtful and appreciative and I find that the demands of a physical meeting overwhelm me and I can't express myself as well as I'd like to.
Kind of nice not to have to worry about what we look like or the angst or improper lusts that can build up between two people meeting in person. We can just exchange ideas and opinions on subjects diverse and express ourselves without getting lost in ridiculous courting obligations or absurd affectations of emotionally foolish sentiments...
I'm a romantic of divine nature, so I do love to get lost in those things but to separate ourselves from the "pie in the sky" love affair for the sake of really getting to know each other can be as fulfilling if not more so.
Plus it takes my mind off of the more demanding work I do, and gives me a way to "play." Games and sporting being very important to our whole growth. Kind of like interpretive dance and/or learning to adorn oneself and attract a mate can be to the fulfillment of womans' or mans' whole growth? Rites of passage that are frequently overlooked or downplayed in importance within the Church and given a grotesque amount of attention within the Whore. Sad, because I think these are the very things that raise us up out of the mire of forgetfulness and vice that we usually consider commonplace and matter of fact. These essential efforts cause us to be considerate and critical of ourselves and one another which is or can be a good and uplifting experience when practiced with all due humility and courtesy. Maybe the Church's denial of these has kept women and men who would otherwise be more willing to attend from doing so. And also maybe this is what leads the Whore to become so disgustingly seductive.
We're both striving for balance and equilibrium, and when we find no willingness in our counterpart, we can go overboard trying to keep ourselves afloat, so to speak.
These are the things that make inhabiting the physical realm of Being sacred to me. And the need for these is what keeps me from running hogwild in sin and debauchery...I must experience these gifts to enjoy my Bride. And to that end, I must remain innocently affected until I may proceed into manhoods' gift of Union with respect, love and endearing passion. To sacrifice this opportunity for a "date" seems monstrous and mean no matter whether it is the accepted norm of even my suited to be or not to be...
Most men are going to desire romance and companionship at one time or another, and lust is going to confuse and betray one's understanding and ability to acquire either. I've found, much to my disconcert, that most women proffering themselves via the Internet, in these "Latter-days," have been reduced to nothing more than desperate farm animals, willing to do and say anything to get ahead. Using deception to lure and hurt any they might convince. So, be careful. Play all you wish to, get to know thine enemy if you wish to but don't fall prey, for most will hurt you badly if given the opportunity.
At any rate, it's interesting to see how different people bring different charms out of one another, and I don't appreciate making anyone envious or being made so myself. "Jealousy slays the simple," someone once said and I have no desire to be a slayer of innocent affection. Quite to the contrary, this affection is my very lifeblood. If such an agreement make me a tedious lover or burden, sobeit. I am willing to be last that something may be considered first of importance and sanctity. Such a scenario blesses the entire Household, be they young or old, healthy or infirmed, sinful or sinless, noble or wicked. All are able to accept some amount of worth, responsibility and credibility according to a just understanding of Spirit.
Everything happens for a reason, and even if I joined this personals thing with no more intent than "getting laid," given the time and space that the Internet demands, one is bound to betray their lusts sooner or later and realize a greater yearning within than that which led them to desire no more than a "fleshlight" and a pornsite that came from a need to be distracted from worldly demands and worries, driven to distraction by the inability to do exactly what the Internet has made possible for you and I and others like us...earnest communication and bonding without veils or hidden agendas. Too many use it for the exact opposite, and thus a few apples has spoiled cartloads.
Let us call this "greater yearning" Divinity, and let us strive to keep this understanding Holy and Sacred even if we betray Her during our sojourn with one another in a frequently mired reality and soiled society.
"The Angels are lost in contemplation of an infinite glory."
I've made a home in this contemplative realm that warms and cheers me even when I am homeless and bereft of the company of those I love or once loved but whom the world has made me distrust and even hate.
Alas, what Jesus said, rings true alway.
Mat 10:36 And a man's foes [shall be] they of his own household.
I feel as though, this war and bitterness has always been, and the origin is the same as it ever was-Sin.
Sometimes, although I know it isn't so, I feel as though I'm the only one concerned with protecting what matters in a way that will bring everyone what they need, and because they'd rather have what they want, when they want it, and how they want it, and are more concerned with fulfilling their own desires and dreams and protecting their investments than simply protecting what matters, they are jeopardizing all for nothing.
It reminds me of what Solomon said:
Ecc 2:11 Then I looked on all the works that my hands had wrought, and on the labour that I had laboured to do: and, behold, all [was] vanity and vexation of spirit, and [there was] no profit under the sun.
The solution? Keeping but one thing needful.
Luk 10:41-42 And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.
I'm afraid, in the current reality, even Mary has gone a-whoring after what does not profit nor provide security for the household.
I do not believe in "professions" nor "professionals." I know everyone may have a talent for what they do, but I wont label any as anything other than by their name or something that makes them equal. To do more, would be insulting. You have a gift and understanding that is quite natural and charming to you. No need to become "professional" and besmirch that gift with a tag of pride or politically correct impropriety. In doing so, it comes off as bulldung and causes more harm than good, I think.
What kids need are honest adults and parents, not institutions and professionals whom they'll only instinctively despise the claimed "authority" of...Knowing that such politically correct nonsense led to their own "perverted" behaviour, or whatever they are currently suffering. The perversion is not a lewd attraction to lewdness proffered. The perversion is treating it as if it were or as an abnormality or unacceptable behaviourism. Such is an improper and completely false judgment of an innocent habit grown into something unhealthy and unwise, not to mention unfulfilling and selfish. Such a person does not need therapy, but Godly direction and strict admonishment from someone who cares and is willing to, yes, listen as a so-called "therapist" might, but also to be completely honest about what the problem is without treating it as a disease and without claiming authority through worldly education and man-made "treatments." And anyone who belongs to Christ must be willing to admit to having the same problems or something like it. Disease may come of these habits, but "treatment" does not seek a cure, and quite the opposite, it seeks to prolong the disease and employ the therapist! Whatever your sin, you are not unique and there is nothing wrong with you, other than the fact that you're a sinner. No one has the right to claim to have the answers that someone else doesn't either. Just point them to a Bible. Unless you are an actual God annointed "Cohen" or "Physician," don't try to sell me Jack, unless you wish to wear my lunch.
Such leads to improper judgment on all levels. Shame and guilt are healthy and even divine affectations. Assimilation into Society is not what the kids need. They need a way out.
1Jo 1:8 If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.
A therapist I know, reacted questioningly to my revealing the fact that I was willing to take on a relationship with a young lady as a father-figure through the personal ads. There is nothing improper with that and everything needful about such a relationship on both sides of the coin. I am a man of fatherly age and wisdom. She a young lady, ignorant of what she may be getting herself into by using the personals. So, I respond to her search and use the opportunity to reach out in a way that might awaken her to the folly of Internet dating.
On the other hand, I do believe there is something dreadfully wrong with suggesting a young lady or gent need therapy and "treatment" for so-called "disease." A daughter needs to feel like a daughter, a Mom needs to feel like a Mom, a Dad needs to feel like a Dad, and Son, like a son. And when anyone retards the simplicity of family unity and dependency with all the politically correct asshattery of the world, you get more and more improper and criminal behaviour in the world, not less. And no one is helped by that. Sure, someone may be "employed" for a season, but the end result is much worse than rape or murder, and is probably the root cause of such, ironically. Because, everyone involved in such a scenario is a liar and part of a grand delusion and nothing more. The end result of such a society will be a second Holocaust and that is the intent of said society. Hello Whore, no thank you.
What I will accept is a Christian Counselor who uses the Word to counsel fellow sinners and work together to overcome sin and deception.
Such is the reason I've struggled so hard and fought off so many enemies all to become nothing more than a loving uncle. I know anyone can come to me, simply as they are, or even as they are not and be treated fairly and as they deserve. I wont reward anyone simply because they are willing to work and earn a paycheck, and in fact, I'll more likely condemn a man for doing so before I'll reward him. But a man who is willing to be humble and contrite and "abnormal" and needy, him I will reward abundantly and employ most affectively for longevity, heritage and futuritys' sake.
War, strife, combat, etc. It's all very cold and the danger that makes adrenaline rush, passes and leaves empty...searching for another war...Whereas love, peace, cooperation in the LORD knows no end of opportunity and fulfillment unless it grow humanistic in will or agenda, and then it is just as harmful or more so than murder, war, genocide, and the idolization which begot them. It must be all about God at all times.
Jhn 3:30 He must increase, but I [must] decrease.
And what no doubt led to men and women choosing sin and strife over God is the simplicity in Christ.
It's unbearable. Once one has fallen in with the world, and known the euphoria of a cunningly crafted psychosis that the world feeds in us so that it becomes an addiction to distraction and falsehood...to all of a sudden have that childlike delusion and "magic" taken away seems hatred and cruelty worse than murder...for it does kill belief and faith in something, even if that something is totally false. We believed it and desired it and were taught to accept it. But this experience, no matter how much you enjoyed it, is the Devil taking your God away- your Divine Right.
You were a god with all the Right to own that gift, as long as you did not try to be God, which is impossible. God will take Spirit away. The devil and the world want you believing in the madly paced rat race, but God just Is and He's not demanding of you to do anything more than rest in Him and love your neighbor.
If you've been less than worthy, apologize and strive anew. Repent and be baptised and receive the Gift! Learn to pray and ask Him for knowledge and Direction. Don't fool yourself either, because it is very easy to tell yourself "this is what God wants me to do." Know what makes God hard to follow? Very often He doesn't want you to do anything but rest and wait. You can do nothing without Him and He is going to cut off the wicked. That is a fact.
Better are the idle hands of him that doeth no harm to his neighbor;
Than busy hands that worketh much wickedness and deception.
Busy hands can be the Devil's Mistresses.
Phl 3:2 Beware of dogs, beware of evil workers, beware of the concision.
Many already know the pain of being "cut-off." They don't care anymore about anything but the Devil's Business Agenda. And you'd better believe he means business. These have had the "bejesus" scared out of them and He's not returning to them for that would make Him a liar. So, they do the best they can to remain in "The Game." These are they who remain "filthy still."
Rev. 22: 11 He that is unjust, let him be unjust still: and he which is filthy, let him be filthy still: and he that is righteous, let him be righteous still: and he that is holy, let him be holy still.
D&C 88: 35 That which breaketh a law, and abideth not by law, but seeketh to become a law unto itself, and willeth to abide in sin, and altogether abideth in sin, cannot be sanctified by law, neither by mercy, justice, nor judgment. Therefore, they must remain filthy still.
And they are in the "gall of bitterness."
Alma 41:11 And now, my son, all men that are in a state of nature, or I would say, in a carnal state, are in the gall of bitterness and in the bonds of iniquity; they are without God in the world, and they have gone contrary to the nature of God; therefore, they are in a state contrary to the nature of happiness.
They know God is kind to even the wicked, thus they survive, but they have nothing to lose by leading others astray or hurt anyone they wish if they can, and no real reason to care...and hurting others may relieve their own pain be it psychic, mental or physical...Whatever, it is great and hard to bear...I assume it must be like being posssessed by evil spirits. I know what it is like to be possessed by the Almighty. I am not my own. I haven't done things I used to consider "normal" and very much desired to do everyday in a long time. The only desire I have anymore is for fellowship, companionship, a wife and family. The thing is, I am very much in the same circumstances as Jesus...my Mother and Brethren stand at the door and ask of me, but I can't let them in because they are unwilling to obey the LORD. And being shut out must be as awful as I feel for having to shut anyone out...I know where they are when shut out, "weeping and gnashing of teeth" land...Constant war, and work and need, lack and demand, demand for an allegiance that cannot be to God. And that is why we consider the men and women of this Nation the "strong the and the brave." Because they are willing and able to suffer the separation and fight the "good fight," trying to protect what matters through law and force, and on top of this, deal with the demands and problems of surviving in a fallen society and world. Which is why She's grown so monstrously Prideful. There is a need to be frighteningly and wickedly so...What can alleviate the pain of the constant struggle to survive? Simple: Hate God. Work disaster and mockery. Always say and do the exact opposite of what Our Lord commands, but do so cunningly...They'll turn an about face, though in word only, when they get the chance and that is betrayal upon betrayal and it's been going on forever in every family throughout the world. Good men who honor their mother and father in this world have been tricked by that which they sought to honor. Their Dad's forsook,out of delusion and insanity, their homes and families. And Mom's desperately plotted against them to embarrass and destroy what was good in them out of their own delusion and insanity. The most wicked among us pulled off deception upon deception and made it look as if they were perfect, functional families. But these are often the most wicked in the land. The brethren who leave home to criminalize the world and pervert the understanding of what a man is throughout society, betray the brethren who stuck it out at home trying in vain to honor and build up that which was not even there.
They'd rather damn all then repent...Give the Saints what they want, send them whores and offerings and await their fall. Then condemn them to the very depths of Hell.
1Nephi 13:9 And also for the praise of the world do they destroy the saints of God, and bring them down into captivity.
Even then, we rest in Him. There can be no victory for the wicked, ever.
Mic 7:8 Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy: when I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD [shall be] a light unto me.
Take the Work of the fallen Saints and give the glory to some rat or demon. Make him the leader of the Church and let him claim the Work as his own only to work the exact opposite of what the Saint might have intended and brought forth...This is an accepted "norm" of the world. Hardly anything is authentic anymore. Especially nobles, virtue, works, etc. Thus, the devil's works are very impressive because he simply waits for God or God's Anointed to say something and then does the exact opposite with what's been revealed, often thieving works and presenting them as his own...creating historical "facts" and creating wars, worlds and abominations all at his whim...
Mine Household is no Whorehouse and I'm not willing to make it one in order to save my own ass. If the Head is a dunghead, the tail will be an embarrassment and the whole Body will suffer. On the other hand, if the Head be worthy, the tail may follow suit and the whole frame will be made Healthy and Able and Holy as a Castle of Legendary proportions. And in such a Kingdom, even the hovels of criminal-minded keepers are well adorned and full of provisions and every needful thing.
(1Sam 30:24-25)
Such is life in the Kingdom of our LORD alway, but we are not in that Kingdom, and often unwilling to welcome even a single Representative of that Kingdom and so we suffer the inadequacies and beetleheaded judgments of every last rat whoever wanted to be the Pope and President of a Nation of beasts, who gleefully gather around a dunghill hoping the breeze will sway the unpleasant scent in their direction for even an instant, that they might know its vaporous ability to insensibility and discountability.
Bah! Not I, said even the fly!
The Whore of the world, through brute force and manipulation of the people tries to imitate or through controlling, buying and selling, slaving and proffering, idols, wickedness, and abomination "hidden" behind a mask of "acceptance," "tolerance" and "love," creates an abominable, thoroughly unworthy, dirty, lusting, lying, covetous society that is presided over by many heads, all saying what seems to be all the right things, making and enforcing illicit laws, entreating, defiling, and at the last feeding upon the just, innocent and the righteous.
The more people awaken to the Whore's deception, the fewer are going to willingly work for her or for what they thought were going to be their rewards in life for allegiance to a dream...
The Devil is an Opportunist.
This is why she is once again embracing "Christendom" and empowering the "Christian Coalition" to do her bidding in His Name. She knows people will turn to Christ and work for Him out of guilt and pride that will not actually enable them to come to Him but to claim Him nonetheless. People will still wish to consume out of habit, and Christ sells...It could all turn into something really wonderful for a space of time, if the Whore were willing to repent and at least offer right judgment a chance to help her heal and return...
Rev 2:21-23 And I gave her space to repent of her fornication; and she repented not. Behold, I will cast her into a bed, and them that commit adultery with her into great tribulation, except they repent of their deeds. And I will kill her children with death; and all the churches shall know that I am he which searcheth the reins and hearts: and I will give unto every one of you according to your works.
